Being a heart-Dad is a constant lesson in perspective. The last six years have taught me to do my best to appreciate each day, and to make the most of our family time. I have to admit, this effort is met with limited success sometimes. It’s very easy to set this way of thinking aside when times are normal and things are going well. I suppose even though I try not to take things for granted, I still do, just not as much.
Back in June, Alexander’s school advised us they would not be having a formal Kindergarten graduation ceremony. When Sydney graduated from Kindergarten, there was a fantastic little ceremony in the school library, over lunch. Each child had a graduation hat, and was awarded their Kindergarten diploma, which was presented by the principal. Each child also addressed the group of parents and other relatives gathered, told us what they loved best about Kindergarten, and what they were going to be when they grew up; I anticipate no shortage of professional hockey players or hairdressers for the foreseeable future.
The gathering was cute, and likely as much for the parents as it was for the kids. I have to admit though, I never really thought of it as one of those life events that will always stand out. You know, the ones that really signify the beginning of a new chapter; earning your driver’s licence, graduating high school, getting married, having kids…
So I thought about it for a while, and realized I still remember my own Kindergarten graduation! I remember standing in front of my little school in Cookstown, Ontario receiving my diploma from the principal, and wearing my little hat. I don’t remember what my career ambitions were at the time, suffice to say I likely fell back on plan B since I’m not in the NHL.
I have no doubt there are good reasons Alexander’s school came to this decision, reasons that might make sense for most of the other kids or parents. The teaching and administrative staff have been remarkable over the last couple of years. It is clear how much they care for Alexander, and our entire family, so I believe we were simply a victim of policy change, and not reluctance on the part of the staff to participate. However, I came to realize that Alexander was going to miss out on something I’d taken for granted as part of his early school life, and it made me sad.
As a heart-Dad, or the parent of any child with a complex, and progressive disease, I suppose I don’t take the milestones for granted any more. I can’t. I remember when Alexander was first born, and we found out about his CHD, one of the first questions I asked was if he would be able to go to school and play sports! Perhaps a naive question, I think the response was “let’s just worry about getting you home for now,” but I remember feeling very afraid that he might not have the same opportunities as the other kids to achieve those milestones we all take for granted. My biggest concerns focussed on the “normal” things, the things we all want for our kids.
That’s why, when we were told there would be no graduation ceremony for Alexander, my wife and I decided to speak with the principal. In the discussion, we explained our disappointment, and the significance of the little milestones, and we had a proposal. Michelle and I would host a small graduation ceremony for Alexander at our home on the weekend, and Alexander’s teacher, ECE’s, and EA’s were invited to attend.
As close as we are with Alexander’s teaching staff (they really are remarkable people), we still felt a little strange asking them to give up their Sunday afternoon, but the response was even better than we hoped. Our idea wasn’t just met with acceptance, but excitement, and it made for a very special afternoon. If you ever want to blow the mind of your six year-old, invite his entire classroom staff over for dinner sometime and watch those worlds collide!
Alexander was presented with a formal graduation diploma signed by his teacher and principal, and a beautiful photograph book of Kindergarten memories from his teacher. His ECE made him a little hat. He told us all about how he wants to work on tall buildings and buy an RV when he grows up. I think everyone was grateful for the opportunity to be a part of a very special afternoon, and of all the Kindergarten graduation ceremonies that his teaching staff have been to, or will attend in the future; I believe that Alex’s will be one that stands out for a long time. You see, when milestones can’t be taken for granted, it makes them all the more special to be a part of. When you can’t just assume milestones will be met, it makes the ones you achieve that much more important.
I hope Alexander will achieve all the normal milestones we all want for our kids. I hope to teach him to drive; I hope he graduates high school, and then learns a trade, or goes to college or university. I hope he gets married. I hope he has kids. I hope for these things more than anything else in the world, and I do believe he can do it all. It doesn’t seem like so much to ask for, to be honest.
There remains however, a large gap between a father’s hope, and an uncertain future, and I won’t take a single milestone for granted.
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